Since I've moved to Dallas God has been stretching me in terrifying ways. I came with a resolution to take a break from certain elements of writing/performing/recording music, and all that left me with was a lack of fulfillment and a sense of spiritual depression. This is a part of my DNA. This horrifyingly wonderful thing. I get to stand on a stage in front of a room full of strangers and I bare it all. Fears, frustrations, some of my biggest failures and pains, and some of my greatest victories and joys. And without that, I don't function properly. My relationships and focuses suffer when I don't indulge this creative urge... I've been wrestling with that for 2 years and it feels like I'm this close to coming up for air. My fingertips breaching the surface...
I've been writing and recording music for years now. I started in the guestroom of my childhood house with a close friend. We were obsessed with the singer/songwriters of ours and our parents time and went to every show we could afford to go to. We talked about the venues we would play one day and how important our music was...... cute. There's a cynical side of me that really wishes I could be that optimistic about my music now in my late 20's.
As a teenager, I became a fan of one of those musicians (Jeremy Casella) that I met out in a country church somewhere in the Hill Country, and later would have the great honor of getting to know him as a friend. This past fall we were able to connect over lunch and it was a hugely helpful conversation for me. We talked about the creative process, and how it wages war on the creative when misunderstood or unnecessarily feared. We talked about failures and the lesson learned. As the week went on and I had a chance to digest the conversation, a weight began to slowly fall off. I began to do more and and debate less.
Tonight we had a long discussion about the upcoming projects we're working on and he said something to me regarding the struggle to reach a place where we can write with a genuine and authentic joy, "I'm beginning to realize that the link between sorrow and joy is inextricable.". I smirked at the great way those words fell in place while we talked, but even now in the few moments after talking, those words keep washing over me with encouragement.
I prayed for the past 2 years "God, help me bring these experiences to life. Help me synthesise the past 2 years of growth, change, fear, joy, sorrow and uncertainty that me and my family and friends have been through." I was frustrated when the answer to that was more trial, but after tonights' conversation I'm seeing more and more that these past years have silenced and stretched and tempered my heart. The response to that has been, unbeknown to me, a handful of songs - gems - that I'm excited about. There are great things on the horizon.
I'm excited to share more with you guys as this unravels and want you to know that very soon I'm going to implore you to partake in this upcoming project in big ways.
"It's fading, the fix is fading fast now. There's a new direction - new horizon - and it's beautiful"
- "Fix", David Gregory 2009
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Here's a link to Jeremy's website as well as the site of another friend who's been an encouragement and role model to me regarding the creative process and determination.
Jeremy Casella
Chris Taylor
