More of us than are willing to admit, can relate to the feeling. Apathy in our praise and relationship with God. But I think we forget that those lows are the same lows that fueled some of the most relatable and honest psalms in Scripture. I found myself working through that a few years ago and A Doxology of the Faithless was the product....
Allow me to geek out on you for a moment
The Common Doxology is a typically sung expression of praise to the Holy Trinity (the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit) written by Thomas Ken in the late 1600's and reads as follows.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow
Praise him all creatures here below
Praise him above ye heavenly hosts
Praise father son and Holy Ghost
I've always loved it, but a few years ago I found myself angered by it. By the way that it just jumps in to worship. I was going through quite a bit then, and if i'm speaking honestly, I didn't really feel like "Praising God, from whom all blessings flow". So one night i started writing. I wrote 3 new verses to Thomas Ken's Doxology, and I wrote what was honestly in my heart at the time keeping these words in mind:
"It's not wrong to question God, it's wrong to doubtfully dispute."
- Charles Flowers.
I'll never forget those words. I've heard the same thing so many times but never put so simply. So I don't think that it's a doubtful dispute to start a sentence to my God with "If You're there...". I think it's more of a statement made in faith. It doesn't always feel like it, but You promise You're there so"If you're there God, show your face." And, yes, i believe that we have to ask for it sometimes.
I think that God wants to hear us admit to the hunger.
Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.
Until we carve it's meaning into our hearts.
This is a cry from a self diagnosed doubting Thomas. Yes i have faith. And when I call this a Doxology of the Faithless I think maybe i'm referring to the moment. That fearful moment when, for a second, I think that I've lost it. I fear God, or more so fear that i'll never understand His name as fully as I could.
This is a documentation of a journey that i've taken many times before back into the arms of faith. Back into the beautiful fear that keeps me chasing Him. Firstly, an admission of inconsistent faith. Secondly, a plea to be held to my convictions and passions - a plea for a life worthy of such a heavy glory. Thirdly, a resolution to abandon my fears and selfish thoughts in light of his glory. Instead of waiting for peace before I worship, I find peace in abandoning everything to worship.
I believe so strongly that your heart has to be broken by Him daily for it understand the beauty and mercy in his, and only His, ability to hold it together.
Read A Doxology of the Faithless below and click here to listen to and download the recording for free.
Doxology of the Faithless
If You're there God show Your face
Speak righteous freedom to this slave
And bind me up in heaven's chains
That I might understand your name
And when I wander strike these legs
That broken bones would find their way
And cry to heaven when I miss
To ne'er forget creations' kiss
Here in the hour of my deepest need
Abandon every tear and leave
All emotion's heavy grief
In praise find heaven's perfect peace
Praise God from whom all blessings flow
Praise him all creatures here below
Praise him above ye heavenly hosts
Praise father son and Holy Ghost
Amen
